


Richard the Young Wizard

by mariokartprince (technicalViolist)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:58:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicalViolist/pseuds/mariokartprince
Summary: rose gets bored one day and decides to write about dick wizards





	

**Author's Note:**

> “i shed a tear” – acclaimed comic artist dave strider
> 
> “rose, i know what you’re planning on putting in this and the answer is no.” – famed director d strider
> 
> “AHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHHAAA” – acclaimed cat enthusiast dave lalonde

Richard Dark’ness Dementia Raven Wang was a very excited young boy. He also went by the moniker Dick Wang if you were a friend. Fortunately and unfortunately, he had no friends to call him this. Today, the 9th of June, was his birthday and his first day at Columbus University of Magic, commonly abbreviated to C.U.M. Academy. An unfortunate acronym to be sure, but that was simply the way it was. Richard, being the young sprightly age of 16, thought nothing of it. At least, not yet.

Richard was eagerly awaiting the Magic School Bus™ at the bus stop, as he had been inspired by Mrs. Frizzle his entire life. Unbeknownst to him, his beloved driver had been arrested some years prior on serious drug trafficking charges. The replacement driver, Mr. Jizzle, was a brainwashed automaton from the government. There would be no illicit business here.

As Richard waited, another teen walked up to the bus stop. Richard’s jaw dropped onto the ground. The other guy was _hot as hell_. He had an attractive black fringe framing a handsomely chiseled face and icy blue eyes like limpid tears. Richard had a boner faster than you could say “no homo”. Coincidentally, Richard actually did have to say “no homo” to himself to remind himself that he absolutely was _not_ a homosexual. He most definitely did not have to adjust himself in his pants, because that would be gay.

After 5 minutes of waiting in awkward, sexually charged silence, the Magic School Bus™ finally pulled up to the stop. The tall, dark, handsome teen stepped gracefully off the curb and into the Bus™. Richard fumbled clumsily after him, tripping over one of his shoelaces. Before his face and the pavement could have a heartfelt one-on-one, however, he found himself being propped up by the mysterious student. Richard blushed a ferocious bright red and stammered out an apology. The other teen only looked on with amusement in his deep, mysterious ocular globes. “No problem, my guy,” he said, his voice smooth like melting honey.

Richard was speechless. His mouth opened and closed like a fish stuck on land doing taxes until the teen stepped away, smirking slightly and getting back on the bus. Richard swallowed uncomfortably. He got the feeling it was going to be a long day.

~*~*~*~*$~*~$*~*~*~*~

Richard _hated_ this school, and it hated him. Not only did it have the audacity to present itself as a low-budget Hogwarts, it also was home to some of the nastiest people Richard had ever met. He had barely stepped into the school building before he had his face slammed into a locker. As far as he could tell, it was for the simple crime of wearing a nice shirt and pants. After all, everyone knows that a male who deviates from the standard dress of a t-shirt and gym shorts is automatically gay. No matter how many times Richard said “no homo”, the foul students continued to beat him mercilessly. One time, they even gave him a swirly in the boys’ bathrooms. There were traces of a white substance on the edge of the toilet seat that he couldn’t bring himself to question.


End file.
